ZOMG! Ofsted are TOTALLY on Twitter. Jazz Hands!

Have you seen the Ofsted Twitter feed. LET ME TELL YOU IT IS A HOOT MY FRIEND. It is either written by a very earnest and serious young person, or it is, in fact, the MOST FINELY CRAFTED PIECE OF SATIRE THE WORLD HAS SEEN. I prefer to believe the latter.

There are many Twitter feeds that I have absolutely no understanding of- literally, cannot fathom why they exist, like the Coca Cola Twitter account, or the ASDA feed. Who the HELL is following these soulless, corporate ad-drips? And yet, and yet, followed they are, in levels approaching the Biblical. Going down a level in Dante's Twit-ferno, we find accounts for abstract nouns like 'Friendship' and 'Caring', and yet we see an exponential rise in membership. Worrying about follower numbers is like worrying how many nipples you have- pointlessness squared, but I worry about a world where people think to themselves, 'What shall I follow? Who do I want to hear from? Ah yes, Fanta. And Happy.' Give me strength.

'Spare us, Lord Wishaw! We are peaceful. We have no weapons.'

But my Twitter-de Jour, the Special on today's menu has to be @Ofstednews. It really is an ironic joy, a breath of subversion in a cold corridor of conformity. It MUST be. What other explanation could there be for such fortune cookie classics as....

'We must focus inspection on the things that make the most difference to the lives of children & young people' Or....

'Evidence suggests the quality of leadership correlates to the quality of service that children & young people receive '

BROTHER YOU HAD ME AT 'WE'. This is better than listening to the Arab Spring on the World Service. My only advice to them would be they should integrate the Twitter feed with the surprise inspections, so they could announce their every step as they take them.

@Ofstednews CITIZEN WE ARE OUTSIDE YOUR CLASSROOM. CONTINUE TO TEACH NORMALLY.

@Ofstednews THIS TEACHER_CITIZEN IS NOT SHOWING EVIDENCE OF PROGRESS. PERHAPS THEY NEED TO BE TESTED IN FIRE?

@Ofstednews WHERE CAN YOU EVIDENCE STUDENT VOICE IN THIS LESSON? HAVE YOU USED STAKEHOLDER PREFERENCES TO INFORM PLANNING?

@Ofstednews DO NOT MAKE ME SUMMON LORD WILSHAW.

@Ofstednews LORD WILSHAW I CAN EXPLAIN... *acck* *chokes*

@Ofstednews #ff@mgove #ff@mossborneacademy

@Ofstednews I hoover like a junior minister in a reshuffle. Schedule some private surgery time this weekend

@Ofstednews OMG I can't believe Ofsted are saying this about you! Click here bit.ly/x4yourcomputerhasaids

There is nothing not to like about Ofsted's Twitter feed. Unless, of course, they start to make judgements about YOUR Twitter feed. Ofstednews, you can have that idea for free. Just give me 48 hours notice to think of something to say.